Gratitude, Planning

This year, we’re celebrating Thanksgiving in Phoenix with Gary’s parents, Howard and Lois, and a few of their friends. Given the current political climate in Arizona, it might make for some interesting dinner table conversations—but delving into politics is a topic for another newsletter.

Gary will be taking the lead in the kitchen because he’s the best cook and loves to be in charge (this is not a secret I’m revealing). Cooking is his happy place, and he approaches it with the same care and artistry as the characters in Babette’s Feast. For him, food isn’t just about sustenance—it’s about nurturing the soul and creating moments of connection. I’ll be assisting here and there, but this is truly his love language in action.

Here’s what’s on the menu this year:

• Mashed Carrots and Mint (unexpected, but trust me, it’s delicious).

• Hasselback Butternut Squash (because we’re fancy like that).

• Roasted Green Beans (classic and crowd-pleasing).

• Turkey (of course).

• Plain Stuffing, with a possible twist of Oyster Stuffing in honor of Gary’s grandfather, who was from Pennsylvania and swore by it.

Thanksgiving is about more than food, though—it’s about gratitude, family, and perspective.

The Power of Perspective

Last week, I took a walk in the desert. The sprawling landscape, the stark contrast between the dry earth and the clear blue sky—it had a way of resetting my perspective.

When you’re standing in a place so vast and quiet, it’s hard to get caught up in the little things. It reminded me how much of life is about what we choose to focus on.

Is the glass half full?
Are you focusing on the good things?

So many teachings tell us that focusing on the positive brings more positivity into our lives. I believe that, to a point. But it’s also about preparation—making sure we don’t let the “what-ifs” take away from the good things we have now.

A Moment of Art: The Funeral of Shelley

Since I love art, I often wonder how it captures the universal human experiences we all face. This led me to look for something that represented funerals, and I came across a fascinating piece: "The Funeral of Shelley" by Louis Édouard Fournier.

Painted in 1889, it depicts the cremation of the Romantic poet Percy Bysshe Shelley on a beach in Viareggio, Italy, after his untimely death in 1822. The painting is both haunting and beautiful, showing figures like Lord Byron and Edward Trelawny gathered solemnly around the funeral pyre. Interestingly, Fournier also included Mary Shelley (Percy’s wife) in the scene, even though she wasn’t present at the actual event.

As an interesting side note, Mary Shelley is best known as the author of Frankenstein, a novel often credited as the first work of science fiction. It’s fascinating to think about how she created one of literature’s most enduring works about life and death, and then later had to grapple with these themes in her personal life.

What strikes me about this painting isn’t just its stark beauty, but the way it captures the care Shelley's friends took to honor his memory. In a time before modern conveniences, they meticulously arranged the cremation, ensuring his wishes and dignity were upheld. This act of devotion reminds us that planning isn’t just about logistics—it’s about love and respect.

Art like this serves as a mirror, challenging us to think about how we would want to be remembered. It raises questions: Have we taken steps to ensure our values and stories live on? Have we made it easier for those we leave behind to celebrate our lives, rather than struggle with unanswered questions?

The painting also underscores a timeless truth: life’s fleeting nature. Like the figures in the painting, we all stand on the shores of uncertainty. But preparation allows us to face that uncertainty with grace.

Aging, Challenges, and Gratitude

Howard and Lois are a prime example of finding balance in the midst of challenges. At 86 and 91, they’re doing pretty well—Howard golfs three to four times a week, and Lois… well, let’s just say she’s perfected the art of knitting and keeping the rest of us on our toes.

Recently, they made a big decision: they purchased their plans for their remains. (Yes, you read that right.) Howard and Lois got really committed with “getting things handled,” and Gary, being Gary, dove into research to find the best options. They decided on something simple—a cardboard box. Nothing fancy, just practical and intentional.

It might sound morbid, but it’s actually incredibly thoughtful. By taking care of those details now, they’ve given their family one less thing to worry about later. That’s a gift.

Have You Thought About Your Final Plans?

I know, it’s not the most festive topic, but hear me out. Planning for the inevitable isn’t just practical—it’s an act of gratitude. You’re sparing your loved ones from having to make difficult decisions during an already emotional time.

The good news is that there are so many options today. If you’ve never considered it, here’s a quick list of ideas to explore:

• Cardboard Box: Simple, eco-friendly, and no frills.

• Tree Pod Burial: Become part of the earth and grow into a tree.

• Composting: Yes, it’s a thing.

• Cremation: The classic option, with variations like scattering ashes or keeping them in an urn.

• Burial at Sea: For the maritime enthusiast.

• Cryonics: If you want to take a gamble on the future.

Take some time to think about what feels right for you. It’s not about being morbid; it’s about being intentional.

Gratitude in Action

Thanksgiving is a time to reflect on what we’re grateful for, but gratitude isn’t just a feeling—it’s an action. It’s the choices we make to prepare for the future while appreciating the present.

This year, I’m grateful for:

• The opportunity to share a meal with family and friends.

• The lessons I’ve learned about focusing on the good, even when life throws challenges our way.

• Howard and Lois welcoming me into their family 28 years ago and being kind and generous without hesitation. I truly love them.

As you gather with your loved ones this Thanksgiving, I challenge you to think about how you can turn your gratitude into action. Whether it’s starting a conversation about estate planning or simply writing down what you’re thankful for, take a step toward creating the future you want—for yourself and the people you care about.

Call to Action: A Practical Next Step

To help you take the next step in estate planning, I’ve created a downloadable PDF with questions designed to help you clarify your priorities and commitments. These questions can serve as a guide for conversations with your loved ones or as a starting point for working with a professional.

Additionally, here’s a list of resources to explore:

1. Funeral Consumers Alliance – Learn about cost-effective and eco-friendly burial options.

2. Better Place Forests – Explore the option of tree pod burials and forest conservation.

3. Green Burial Council – Discover sustainable burial practices.

4. Cremation Association of North America – Information on cremation and memorial options.

5. A Good Goodbye – Tools and tips for starting conversations about end-of-life planning.

Take a moment to download the guide and explore these resources. Use this time to turn gratitude into meaningful action—because planning for the future is the best way to honor the present.